10 Thoughts from a Day
1. please don’t try and tell me
that one day
i will see how the school system has benefit me
because its hard to believe a school
that has put pounds of stress
on my shoulders and silenced my voice
will ever help me,
without destroying me first
2. “i’m here if you need me”
says the person
who’s never fucking here
and just looks at me
and says
“i’m sorry”
3. you only pick the parts of me
you like
and i’m beginning to feel like
what’s left of the daisy
after you play
“he loves me not”
missing pieces of myself
i’m not ready to give up
4. i know that i’m not
accepted by everyone
but sometimes
it feels like
even my best friends
don’t accept me
like they used to
5. i would never dream
of changing you
in my opinion,
you fall in love with someone
because of how they are
why would anyone
want to change what they
fall in love with?
6. i asked him
“what is it like,
to be at peace with yourself?”
he looked at me
or more so at the sky,
“darling, its hard to feel
peace inside you
when everything around you
is at war”
7. you tell the world
“you could never judge a person”
but how come
everytime i speak
you laugh under your breath
its no secret;
i don’t want to be here anymore
8. i turn the hurting to scribbles
and the scribbles to poetry
hoping they'd look like you
but they never do..
9. i'm scared of getting stuck here
tell me we'll get out
10. and when I walk down the stairs
she says "good job"
because she knows it's a struggle
to even get out of bed
Your poem is really good! It was really intimate and that made it very relatable, and some of the lines were incredibly well written!
ReplyDeleteI really like when you compare yourself to a daisy being picked apart, and when you say "i turn the hurting to scribbles, and the scribbles to poetry", and the ending is really emotional and fits the poem super well.
I really like the structure of your poem, its really unique and I've never seen anyone structure a poem like this. I also like the comparison you did with the daisy and picking petals.
ReplyDeleteI really liked how much honesty you put in this poem. I also thought that the 8th stanza was worded really well.
ReplyDeleteI really love this poem! I liked the way you chose to write this poem, with the ten different points and how they all connect to each other. I also liked the words that you chose as they add to the tone of this poem.
ReplyDeleteI really like the way your poem fits together and leaves the reader thinking and feeling. The way you worded the poem makes it flow well too.
ReplyDeleteI thought your poem was really strong. I liked how much emotion you put in it. You made it really relatable. I also really like how you structured the poem too, it was very unique.
ReplyDeleteThe structure of your poem really stands out and it really unique. I also like how your poem can be relatable in all sorts of ways to many teens., and shows great emotion.
ReplyDeleteYour poems are very relatable, and I love the raw emotion that you put into them. I liked how you structured the poem as well.
ReplyDeleteThe list layout of your poem really emphasizes it's point and their extremity within your every day life. You also did a good job covering many different aspects about the hard times within your life and displaying them to the reader.
ReplyDeletelove. i love the 10 thoughts and how they are portrayed through the poem and the structure. 6 is my favorite, so relatable just love.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the laid-back, flowy feeling of this poem. The way that you separated the stanzas into 10 separate moments was very different, and I felt like it added onto your poem's overall feeling in a good way :)
ReplyDeleteomg i just love it so much
ReplyDeleteAnnie, I love how causal these are yet how much meaning they hold. I've read this twice now, and both times I got the shivers...that's how powerful it is. Great job, love this so much :)
ReplyDelete